January 1st, 2013: Day One......The Beginning of a Miracle!

Most of you know that Thomas & I had a perfect pregnancy. I absolutely LOVED being pregnant! It was the most amazing feeling to know that my body is growing a tiny little baby by the amazing miracle that God gives to women. There is nothing like it, and no way to describe it. It's just wonderful! I had great pre-natal care, a wonderful OB, zero complications, and my doctor never saw any signs that pointed towards anything abnormal.

When delivery came, I had complications in progressing through labor, but that was it. I tried with all my might to do a delivery with no epidural or pain killers. Well, after being induced from low amniotic fluid at 41 weeks, (by the way Pitocin is the DEVIL), being in labor for 20 hours with no pain killers AND Pitocin, being on assisted oxygen for our baby, having intense killer contractions one minute or less apart, with only being dilated to a FOUR, (for those of you that don't know child labor, you have to be dilated to 10, meaning after 20 hours, I wasn't even half way there), I finally looked at Thomas in tears telling him I needed an epidural. Prior to that cry for help, I was walking up and down the hallways doing lunges, squats, using the yoga ball, Thomas kneading my back, and still nothing. Once that epidural came, (Praise The Lord), I slept for two hours and woke up to be a 10! Finally! I pushed our baby girl for 15 minutes, and out she came at 2:30pm on January 1st, 2011.

I was pretty wiped out, and was drugged up still from the epidural, but realized that Heather, our sweet girl I've been aching to meet for nine months, came out on the purple side. And where was her voice? Why wasn't she crying. Ok, I got a kiss from my awesome coach and world's greatest husband Thomas, but now Heather is still not crying. Thomas was looking concerned, and the nurses took Heather back to the NICU to see if she had something trapped in her airway, while Thomas was following behind. I just knew she was fine. Why wouldn't she be. Again, I had the perfect pregnancy, I'm an organic health fanatic, there were zero complications, yes, my daughter was just fine. So, I pretended not to worry while I was being stitched up.  Thomas returned not to much later with a nurse saying that she was having difficulty breathing, but they are working on her, and don't have much more information that that.

I just wanted to see my daughter. After you hold and carry your very first baby for nine months, go through 22 hours of labor, you EXPECT to at least see your child, let alone be able to hold your baby.  I didn't even see her because they rushed her out so fast. What were they not telling me? One hour goes by.........two hours go by.........then a pediatrician comes into our room to "have a talk" with Thomas and me. (We've learned in our 3 months and 5 days NICU hospital experience that "Have a talk" is never a good sign, however, we did not know yet what that meant.)  The doctor told us, "Heather had to be intubated with a breathing tube. She also has some chromosomal abnormalities. We don't know what's wrong, but we just booked a flight for life flight to the Denver Children's Hospital and only one of you can go tonight. Who wants to go?"  WHAT? I just looked at the doctor shocked, not believing a word he had said, and literally thought he walked into the wrong room to deliver this tragic information. If something were wrong with my baby, why wasn't anything seen during my ultrasounds.  I was perplexed, in disbelief, then I looked at Thomas. Thomas was red and in tears. But why? Heather was fine. It took several minutes for this information to filter through my head.  The plane was going to be here in about 4-5 hours, so we called my parents. Words cannot describe how happy I am that they were there.

My parents and sister arrived, and I still had not seen Heather. It wasn't until five hours after delivery that one of our nurses brought photographs of Heather from the NICU, and THAT was the first time I saw my daughter. Just shortly after, a chaplain came in our room to encourage us to baptize Heather before she left on the flight. We agreed and all went into the NICU where she was hooked up to what seemed like everything. Flight for life was already there and hooking Heather up to their machines to transport her to the plane. I was able to hold Heather for ten minutes, do a quick baptism, then I had to say goodbye to my beautiful first born daughter AND my husband.

From that point, I was in a daze. Did I really just have a baby? Where was she? Why wasn't my daughter and my husband with me? Oh, it's because she cannot breathe and needs to fly to a hospital that can help her. Dear God, WHY is this happening?

I felt so lost. Lost doesn't really describe it, neither does depressed. I was in complete shock. THis just wasn't real. What did Heather look like again? I pulled out the photograph.......is that my daughter? I had hardly been able to be with her to really KNOW and REMEMBER what she looked like. And when I get there tomorrow, will Heather know who I am? Will she think I'm a stranger because I haven't been able to be with her? What is happening? Now, to fully "enroll" her into hospital status in Colorado, I found out she needed to be enrolled into our insurance and register her for a social security number the next day. But I need to get on the soonest plane to just GET THERE! I needed help, so I called the wonderful GOD-SENT woman, who was meant to be in our life for this very purpose, our commander's wife. I filled her in, and she said, "We got this!" She came up to the hospital to help me work though the plan on how to get Heather enrolled into our insurance plan, where to be and when tomorrow, and how to do all this before I get on a one-way flight with no planned as of yet return. They did the rest! It's amazing when people of GOD are in a high authoritative position!

Thomas called me that night when he, Heather, and the medical team landed and arrived in Colorado. The admitting process is intense. Doctors, nurses, oxygen, machines, medicines, cords, wires, monitors, and the list could go on forever. Heather had everyone very busy that night. Thomas slept at the bedside in her hospital room never really sleeping, just being interrupted by machine beeps, alarms, doctors & nurses entering and evaluating Heather, and making plans for the next day. Thomas, my best friend, world's best husband, and now phenomenal father, still had not had a chance to hold Heather. It wan't until the next morning, that Thomas finally was able to hold his daughter and feel like a Daddy.

I was discharged immediately in the morning, my Mom drove me right to the squadron to handle the administrative side, and what normally takes over 48 hours to a week to do, our Commander, Director of Operations, and a few other God-sent people had it all squared away to be done in an hour and a half! Amazing! I was so emotionally distraught, and in so much PAIN both emotionally and physically. Gosh, I just had a baby less than 24 hours ago. I kept forgetting that. After delivery, you're supposed to rest and take it easy, Yeah right, I wasn't anywhere close to that.

I went home, packed, and got on the plane with my Mom, (I'm so grateful to my Mom for being there), and flew to Denver. On the plane, I just closed my eyes and prayed and prayed and prayed. Then when I said "Amen", I started over and prayed some more. I still had more time to pray, so I just kept starting up new prayers and really truly talking to God. What else did I have to do? Nothing! I just needed God to help my daughter!

Thomas picked us up from the airport and on the car ride over, he began describing the list of medical professionals and specialists that have been in Heather's room and explained the news they had delivered. I was already falling apart from the first piece of information, and then it just continued to come. The information was never-ending. How could one baby have all these complications? Why does OUR baby have all these complications?

We arrived to the hospital and Thomas strolled me up in a wheelchair to see our daughter, but Thomas turned down a hallway in the NICU that was NOT the hallway leading to Heather's room. He said, "Before we go to Heather's room, there's something I want you to see." There was a hallway with many NICU babies at birth with dozens of severe and life threatening complications. Then next to the picture of the baby at birth was a picture of the same baby three years, five years, seven years, and eleven years later! All these babies were miracles........and that's exactly what Heather would be. I just knew it. I am so happy Thomas made the decision to take me there FIRST!

We went into Heather's room, and I just wanted her in my arms. My little girl was so tiny, looked so helpless, but was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen! She was MY baby! Finally! This is what I was waiting for!  Then Heather was picked up by our nurse, her cords and wires were attached to me for proper placement, instructions were given on what to be cautious of, and she just melted in my arms. It was the perect fit! FINALLY! Yes, finally I was home!

HOME! As a military wife to the best husband I could ever ask for, I've learned that HOME is always with each other. It doesn't matter what state you're in, what kind of house you're in, if your family for friends are nearby, if you know everyone, or if you know no one. Home is with each other! And for the first time, Thomas, Heather, and I were HOME!